So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
