So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
