First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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