Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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