just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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