I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
