Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
