Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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