sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's like iHOP with fire
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
