So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
40s are totally the cure
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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