i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
