I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
