i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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