I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
