my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
