you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
