I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
