kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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