I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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