Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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