apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
