I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
