My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
