I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we're so committed to being not committed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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