haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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