just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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