Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
