I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
