ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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