You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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