It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this will be a night to untag.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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