Can i not drive my cunt home
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You are the jesus of drinking
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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