don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
