I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
