haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
