Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
