Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
