His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
