return my video game
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
