I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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