my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
