Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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