Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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