just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
