is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
