The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
