You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
