i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
