oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
