i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
