im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
