Non-Jews are for practice
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there was a trapeze. enough said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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