Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.