Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?