he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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