I'm going to jail i love you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
