Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
