I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize