Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
