Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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