he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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