i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
