And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
