OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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