Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
