i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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