VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
