Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
