Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
