I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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