Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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