dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
too bad you live with your parents still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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