you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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