"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
