I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
