why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
