Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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