She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
