im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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