Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
